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Dan the Dinosaur vs. Phil the Lion - THE EXTINCTION RACE

"only the strongest and most determined animal will survive as the winner gets a free pass to a merlin attraction and the loser will have their onesie destroyed forever."

nakedly:

you are not fat
you have fat 
you also have fingernails 
you are not fingernail 

idunwin:

melanoleuca:

Remember when there was a 7 mile spanking machine on spongebob and no one said anything about it ever

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image bring me the booty

santas-sex-slave:

Getting a sleeve done 

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cards against humanity

drmng:

Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a C. You give 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. You’re there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. It seems like you’re giving everyone everything, and they’re just walking away with it.

literally my life 

Anonymous said: My boyfriend & I usually have sex on the floor behind his bed so when you walk in you can only see the bed. And we were having sex one day & I was on top and his mom walks in and she can't see him but she can see me with my shirt on, and she's asking me where he is and I'm sitting on his dick & he's on the bottom trying not to laugh and moving around to make me make faces. And we were talking for like 15 minutes while I was sitting on his dick and having pleasant talk with his mom. NEVER AGAIN.

necromorph-slayinglovemachine:

guys please, I cannot answer all 0 messages

putyourshirtonpete:

just because you wear a flower crown doesn’t mean you get to be shirtless wentz

putyourshirtonpete:

just because you wear a flower crown doesn’t mean you get to be shirtless wentz

pulpdrinker:

sex tip!! when he puts it in, yell ‘what are u doing in my swamp’

thingsamylikes:

Every conversation with my mother EVER.